Here I am, a rabbit heart

My whole life, I have been competitive, anxious, and insecure. My yoga practice has been a little escape from the aforementioned traits. But as I became a studious yoga student, I immersed myself in everything yoga. It started with a yoga teacher training, then twitter, the blogs, the workshops, the festivals. Admittedly, the twitter yoga community has broadened my horizon and I have read engaging, educational, and entertaining blog posts as well learning about the talented, accomplished yoga blog writers.

I have to admit, being exposed to the endless resources of all things yoga became overwhelming. The more I saw, the more I realized I didn’t know. I was starting to feel like a rabbit heart, swallowed in anxiety about what I haven’t accomplished as a yoga practitioner and a minted yoga teacher. Yoga was once a refuge, but somehow it started to feel like an obligation. Thanks to my tireless Ego, the seemingly consistent and indestructible force shouting through my mind- “Hey, isn’t it time to write a blog? Everyone else is doing it! ”

Dammit !I was just enjoying my serene yoga-ness here and Ego is crashing the party once again. I have to admit, a big reason I am writing here is I am trying to quiet this overwhelming sense of inadequacy. It’s funny how my yoga addiction led to Ego bringing me writing assignments. Well, at least this is my homework unlike my last job, when Ego was busy telling me to never fail my boss’s company.

So here I am, writing. Perhaps writing is what my heart wants, even without Ego’s prodding. As I write, maybe I will slowly shush Ego. (shh… ). Maybe putting my mind on public spectacle will call out its pettiness. Maybe if I write and stay true to my heart, I release self-judgment. When I release self-judgement, I quiet the mind, and when the mind is quiet, Ego takes a little vacation, and that’s when I am reunited with yoga.

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