Here I am, a rabbit heart

My whole life, I have been competitive, anxious, and insecure. My yoga practice has been a little escape from the aforementioned traits. But as I became a studious yoga student, I immersed myself in everything yoga. It started with a yoga teacher training, then twitter, the blogs, the workshops, the festivals. Admittedly, the twitter yoga community has broadened my horizon and I have read engaging, educational, and entertaining blog posts as well learning about the talented, accomplished yoga blog writers.

I have to admit, being exposed to the endless resources of all things yoga became overwhelming. The more I saw, the more I realized I didn’t know. I was starting to feel like a rabbit heart, swallowed in anxiety about what I haven’t accomplished as a yoga practitioner and a minted yoga teacher. Yoga was once a refuge, but somehow it started to feel like an obligation. Thanks to my tireless Ego, the seemingly consistent and indestructible force shouting through my mind- “Hey, isn’t it time to write a blog? Everyone else is doing it! ”

Dammit !I was just enjoying my serene yoga-ness here and Ego is crashing the party once again. I have to admit, a big reason I am writing here is I am trying to quiet this overwhelming sense of inadequacy. It’s funny how my yoga addiction led to Ego bringing me writing assignments. Well, at least this is my homework unlike my last job, when Ego was busy telling me to never fail my boss’s company.

So here I am, writing. Perhaps writing is what my heart wants, even without Ego’s prodding. As I write, maybe I will slowly shush Ego. (shh… ). Maybe putting my mind on public spectacle will call out its pettiness. Maybe if I write and stay true to my heart, I release self-judgment. When I release self-judgement, I quiet the mind, and when the mind is quiet, Ego takes a little vacation, and that’s when I am reunited with yoga.

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. onewithlifeblog
    Jul 27, 2011 @ 12:07:25

    What an amazing statement of authenticity and pure devotion to this amazing practice. I think you are an amazing addition to the blogging community. The yoga community has surrounded me with love and support as no other. I’m thrilled to call you friend and I hope to meet you someday. Till then, I’ll keep reading. ~ Namaste

    Reply

  2. Thais
    Jul 27, 2011 @ 12:28:13

    Welcome to the yoga blog world!! ever since i started writing about my yoga journey i knew it was what i was meant to do. there is just so much to know that i wanted a place to put down everything i am learning. its a great journey and im excited to follow yours!

    Reply

  3. YoginiBunny
    Jul 27, 2011 @ 14:22:55

    Thank you so much for reading Stephanie and Thais. I feel so loved and welcomed, even though I’ve never met you in person. Everyone is busy and to take your precious time out to read and comment on my rambling is very humbling to me. I feel very encouraged and inspired to keep trying new things so I can share the experience.Thank you, thank you!

    Reply

  4. Nicole Lillian Mark
    Aug 02, 2011 @ 12:15:37

    Thanks for taking a peek at my little yoga site. I thought I’d take a peek at yours, too. I’m also often overwhelmed by how much more there is to learn, yoga-wise and otherwise, but in my finer moments I find all that mystery exciting. Very nicely written. šŸ™‚

    Reply

  5. YoginiBunny
    Aug 02, 2011 @ 13:41:23

    Thank you Nicole! It’s an honor and a joy to be on this journey with you. I look forward to watching your teaching practice and your site grow : )

    Reply

  6. aphdinyoga
    Aug 17, 2011 @ 07:37:19

    Hi there! Just stumbled onto your site via a comment you posted on another yoga-blog and I must say: this is one of the more impressive first blog-posts I’ve read! I can find myself in your overwhelmed feelings, yoga is huge! There are so many aspects to it that it is easy to get lost at some point šŸ™‚ I hope this blog will help you calm your ego and figure out what you need to figure out šŸ˜‰

    Reply

  7. YoginiBunny
    Aug 17, 2011 @ 10:18:09

    Thank you Miss PHD. Thank you for your kind words. I have since try to not get too involved with too many activities, and limit my social networking time, and trying to breath more consciously. That is helping me… There will still be overwhelming days, but it’s all part of the process and part of the journey.
    Thank you for listening to my voice with compassion : )

    Reply

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